CONVO: Being Creative in a University Setting

In our Minor in Writing class, Micky and I became fast friends because of the similar nature of our time here at the University of Michigan School of Music, Theatre and Dance. The following is a transcribed conversation between Micky and I about our experience as a dancer and a singer/actor studying at a major research university...

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A: Oh! We’ll write this in the intro maybe; we both go to University of Michigan

M: We’re both seniors in the School of Music, Theater, and Dance

A: I’m a musical theater major

M: And I’m a dance major

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A: Hey Micky! How has college impacted your creativity?

M: Um...well college has definitely transformed the way that I am creative. Partly because I didn’t come from a super creative background I would say. I didn’t taking dance seriously until I was like maybe a senior in high school, um, and before that I was only taking two ballet class a week, and dancing for maybe a total of like four hours a week. And then it came time to apply to college and I don’t know what in my right mind possessed me to audition for dance programs but I was a little bit like well I don’t want to keep doing school but I have to go to college, because that’s a thing in my family, um, I was like well if I get in to a program I guess that’ll be the route I take. but then I magically got in here, question mark. [laughs] But yeah the last four years have definitely been super transformative--cause I went from dancing four hours a week to, like, eight hours a day. And I didn’t know, like, aside from the physical challenges, I didn’t know how to maintain like a strong mental game. And I wasn’t great at being vulnerable in any way. I was like a very shy--and still am--a very shy person. Um...but yeah but I would say even just the experience of being immersed in the arts has been incredibly transformative to my whole life.

A: Yeah. I have to agree cause I...although I had no...like I had done a lot of musical theater in various varied ways--acting, singing lessons, whatever--I didn’t do anything serious it was all like community theater for fun. Most of the people I was surrounded by loved it and I think that was great but my creativity was my hobby and not my work, [or] my--my, my main focus in life for a long time. But now, when I came to college creativity now became a thing I had to maintain every day as opposed to like this hobby of mine that I got to like let everything go after a long day, the long day was the hobby. Yeah. Well but now---let me rephrase that. Now, when I came to college, I feel like I...my mind was opened to all the creative endeavors I could to: writing, and different forms of musical theater, singing, creating your own show, et cetera et cetera. But at the same time it became work as opposed to my play. So my creativity took a big dip when I thought that I like wasn’t good enough to do...I’m like not making any sense.

M: No, I totally get it.

A: I’m trying to---I’m thinking of transcribing this later I’m like this makes no sense

M: I think it’s like--I got here and I didn’t know...cause like...dance and the arts were what made me happiest in high school but it was partly because I didn’t get to do it so often. Um, and then when I got here I didn’t know how to maintain my happiness and passion for this art form when all of a sudden it is my school and I’m being graded on it, and I’m being judged on it. Cause for me that brought of, um, self confidence issues with it and then I started hating it for a while and I was like maybe I don’t love the arts.

A: Right I think the difference between going to college and being a creative person and going to college and studying an art form is that, it becomes--it hits close to home when things aren’t going so well. So when you’re in funk you’re like this is literally my studies. These are my studies, these are my--this is my career. So it, yeah, it hurts more when you dip down.

M: Yeah.

A: And, some, like I’ve discovered, and this might be going into the next question, I discovered that I need to take care of myself more to maintain my creativity and my happiness is being creative. But college is hard to maintain that because you’re up all the time, and then you’re drinking.

M: only occasionally

A: but anyways...

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M: Do you have specific rituals that you maintain?

A: I just recently as I leave as I get ready to graduate establish my kind of rituals that I need to do to for at least singing and acting...a lot of them have to do with my physical well being because I feel like I’ve prepared a lot and I don’t have as much trouble with like the mental--or no, that’s a lie. Physical and mental are really tied in for me. So I like to warm up my body, whether that means like walking to rehearsal as opposed to taking the bus, or taking a moment to like wiggle around in my body if I’ve just woken up for an early rehearsal. Obviously warming up my voice is--I used to think it was about singing but now I know it’s about having a warm body, relaxing the muscles around my neck, I, I have like a routine of like relaxing my larynx, pulling down my hyoid bone, rubbing out my SEM, and also for singing I love to just---I think it really is a placebo thing at some point---but I, uh, I have a very strict warm up ritual, kind of, that gets me into a headspace more or less, um...and I always find that listening to music is helpful and getting into my creative juices zone.

M: I can totally relate to that. I am like very adamant about getting to class or rehearsal like at least a half hour early because I hate dancing cold. For one it hurts um and I am so injury prone but it also definitely like...I have set things that I do that are like probably ineffective for my body at this point because I do them every day but it makes me feel like oh, I’m ready now.

A: Yeah. Repetition is like a magical thing.

M: Yeah.

A: It’s incredible. Do you feel like you have any rituals that have nothing to do with dance or your body that you do before you dance.

M: Um...I have one that still relates to dance that I do after. I think it’s important for me personally to have an opening and then a closing ritual because it makes me feel like oh it’s done and I can step away. Um, I have like a journal, um, and after, not every day, but after a big rehearsal or performance I write, it doesn’t even have to be a reason but it’s always something like “Dear Micky, I’m proud of you, Love, Micky.” And it makes me feel like oh I can step away, even if the project went badly, even if I messed up in rehearsal. I’m always like okay. Time to be a person.

A: Right right. Yeah, that’s interesting.

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A: Do you feel like in college you are embarrased-- this is something random but I was thinking about college--do you ever feel like when you walk around a university like Michigan that is the number one public school and has neurologists walking around next to dancers, next to engineers, next to musical theater majors whatever, do you ever feel like--how do you feel like when you say “I’m a dance major?”

M: It took me a long time to not feel apologetic about it. A lot of people in my department are double majors so there’s also this mindset of oh if you’re just a dance major...you’re just a dance major, instead of being like oh you’re a dance major and that’s a lot of work, all on its own. Um, but it took me a long time and I still find myself getting defensive sometimes if someone questions like oh is that a real thing? That you study? And I get very mad. Um, but no, I definitely don’t… by this point I’m like you try being on your feet 8-12 hours a day.

A: Seriously!

M: And remembering up to six pieces of choreography and your own work that you have to do and then going home and doing your homework please tell me how that goes for you.

A: Yes, I know! That’s like--it’s so interesting because like one of the cool things about Michigan is like oh I can get, I can be in a minor in writing class and also be dancing 8 hours a day or like all my other classes are singing and acting. But, it’s hard to switch. It’s hard to switch not because writing isn’t just as creative, or, even engineering isn’t just as creative it’s just like a different zone. It’s a different vibe, I don’t know, it’s a different atmosphere when you step into an academic classroom. Not everyone is as open and ready to bounce off each other sometimes---and often time it is, like I’ve been in writing classes that are quite creative and quite open for discussion and derailing and almost, open for movement. But sometimes it’s not.

M: Sometimes it really feels like I’m putting on a different person. Like I’m dancer Micky in dance class and then I go to like...what class was I in...I don’t remember. There have definitely been classes where I sit there and I like pretend that I am just a different person. Because I…like people react differently if you act the way that you act. Do you know what I mean?

A: Totally. I used to--my first few years here, when I would, because I used to be a little bit embarrassed...it was funny because I was proud when I was among the right people but like embarrassed when I was among other people

M: Right

A: And now I’ve just come to be proud of who I am and what I study and what I’m passionate about and I think that everything is important, like what everyone is doing is important. But I used to pretend to be like not a musical theater major. I was like let me try to convince them that like…let me try to convince them that I’m an English major. Or when I walk into a room I want them not to know. Because everyone talks shit about musical theater majors about how they’re loud because we are...mostly. But. Anyway. I digress.

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M: What has been the most influential experience of your college career?

A: Um, I can think of two. My first is studying abroad. Another perk of being in this like conservatory training but at a giant university is they can’t like say no to you going abroad, at least in our department. So I studied at drama at the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts. And it was good for me because number 1 I needed a break from this place. For whatever personal reason it was just getting monotonous and I couldn’t break the rut I was in creatively especially. And when I went to London I saw so many shows for cheap because its subsidized by its beautiful government (sorry Brexit). I went to museums in all my spare time because it was again subsidized by the government and completely free. I felt like all my other spare time was just walking around seeing a lot of history and architecture or going to a pub and chatting with people. And it just completely changed my experience with art and where I thought I fit in it as a consumer and a creator. So I loved that. And the second one is the most recent production that I did here, Sweeney Todd, because it was a true capstone project of sorts for everything I’ve learned as an actress and a singer. And I’m really grateful for that experience. What about you, what was your favorite--or most influential?

M: Um, dance wise I would say--the summer after my sophomore year we had a residency in the department with a New York based company called VIM VIGOR, and their artistic director is Shannon Gillen, and her work is intensely physical. Like you’re throwing yourself at the floor, I had to literally throw someone above my head and catch her on my shoulders. And it was like, a very intense two weeks. Um, and the dance was really cool, um, but the influential part of that experience was she would literally walk into the room and be like, “Are you feeling strong today?” or be like “Are you feeling fearless today?” because it’s like the work that she does is like you can’t hesitate or else someone is going to get hurt. Like you can’t hesitate throwing someone above your head because you’re going to drop her or she’s going to fall on you and then you’re both going to be hurt. So that was really influential in my--maybe not dance-wise but--in my personal life because I was so shy and timid when I got here and I was like I can’t do that if I’m going to be here and things are scary to me. I can’t be afraid of them, at least when I’m in the studio. So that was really influential to me, and then...these are both performances. Um, at the beginning of this year, I was a soloist, um, in a Doris Humphrey work called Passacaglia and Fugue like set [made] in the 90s [1900s] and it’s considered to be like her masterpiece and the role I was in was Doris’s role, which was terrifying and it was my first big soloist role. And it’s essentially a solo for 14 minutes with this like corps of dancers behind you and we did it to live music at Hill. And I just remember that, like I guess it also has to do with the fearless thing, when you’re leading a company of people...it like really changes the way that you work. And also the way that you like conduct yourself in a rehearsal space. Forever. In ways that I wasn’t expecting. I think both of those experiences just really made me grow up. And also they really made me take myself seriously. As an artist. Because if you don’t take yourself seriously, the audience you’re performing for is going to be like who the fuck was that soloist. Mmm swears [laughs]

A: I don’t know can we put fuck on our website?

M: Probably

A: It’s our website! Um, yeah, no I totally get that, I had the same experience with Sweeney, as far as like your work ethic almost has to like you have to turn your volume up on your work ethic because like you assume you have a good work ethic if you’re really pursuing the arts, you know what I mean, like you kind of have to. But, you have to make it known that that’s what you’re here to do and it’s like the glue that holds everything together sometimes.

M: It’s the leading by example thing.

A: Yeah, exactly.

M: That takes on a whole other definition when all of a sudden like you’re the one that’s getting corrections in front of the whole company and then you have to apply them and do them as everyone is watching.

A: Right

M: Or at least that was my experience.

A: Mhm

M: I cried every rehearsal.

A: I mean we’ve all been there.

M: It was so hard!

A: I don’t care what you study, we’ve all been there.

M: Hooray!

A: Yay!